


New Message Received

by Sammyjjong



Category: SHINee
Genre: Angst, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Fluff, Hallucinations, Implied/Referenced Cheating, M/M, Modern AU, Online Dating, Polyamory, Schizophrenia, domestic AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-04
Updated: 2020-04-04
Packaged: 2021-02-28 22:10:54
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 33
Words: 15,015
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23474398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sammyjjong/pseuds/Sammyjjong
Summary: You can't lose a good thing if you never had it in the first place.
Relationships: Choi Minho/Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key, Choi Minho/Kim Kibum | Key, Kim Jonghyun/Lee Jinki | Onew, Kim Jonghyun/Lee Taemin, Kim Kibum | Key/Nam Woohyun, Lee Jinki | Onew/Lee Taemin
Comments: 4
Kudos: 12





	1. Prologue: A New Friend

**Author's Note:**

> My second ever SHINee fic, about 4 years old now. One of my favorite works of mine, the chapters are short because it was meant to move a little fast, please enjoy.

It was so dark, he couldn't even tell if his eyes were open or closed, he just knew he wasn't getting any sleep. That wasn't new though, it was usually around this time when he'd give up and write what was on his mind. Blindly, he stood up and crossed the room to his desk, turning the desk lamp on for the dim light it offered. Whenever he wrote, he'd think 'Maybe this time there'll be more likes and I'll get popular, maybe this is the one', even though part of him always decided he'd be stuck writing for only his friends to read. 

The first buzz of his phone was brushed off as he decided a simple 'Hello' message was unimportant to him. He was in the middle of a piece and he was going to finish, his friends could wait. The second buzz is when he decided he couldn't be rude to them, they were all he had. A confused look crossed his face as an unfamiliar username contacted him, the third message let him know what their business was.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Hello _ _   
_ _ How are you? _ _   
_ _ I saw your KaKao ID on your blog and thought I'd say hello _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Hi _ _   
_ _ I'm good, nice to know I have a fan _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ So you're Jjong, but is your full name Jonghyun? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Yes, what's your name, I'm assuming it's not that long unpronounceable username _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ It's not, my name is Jinki _ _   
_ _ I really like your poems _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Thanks! I'm working on one right now actually _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Oh, I'm so sorry I disturbed you _ _   
_ _ I'll leave you alone _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ No, it's fine! I don't get many fan messages _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Really? But people could so easily contact you _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I guess I don't have as many fans as I'd like to think _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I don't know why, you're a great author _ _   
_ _ But, what are you doing up so late? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Just working on a piece, when I get inspired I can't sleep _ _   
_ _ Why are you up? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I just got caught up in reading your works _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I wondered why even the old things had been getting notes _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Yeah, it's so I can find it later _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ That's the first time this has happened in a while, it's pretty refreshing _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I'm glad I could make your night! _

They talked until Jinki fell asleep, and Jonghyun discarded what he had previously been working on. He began a brand new piece, being inspired by something happy for once. He wanted to surprise Jinki in the morning by uploading it tonight.


	2. Milk, Eggs, A Cute Stranger...

Light broke through the window and blinded Jonghyun as he opened his eyes for the first time that morning. He sat by his phone and waited for the notification he knew would come. When it came he instantly unlocked his phone and read the comment before getting on his KaKao account.

That's when the messaging began again.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ So, did you like it? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I loved it! _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I'm glad, how are you? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I just woke up _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ It's noon _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Shh, that doesn't matter _

The messages went on again, following Jonghyun into the grocery store.

He told Jinki about his two friends who were on and off dating, they seperated for a while but got back together after they got to know each other. They still fight, and the whole situation is what fuels most of Jonghyun's poems. Jinki learned the backstory to many poems, and Jonghyun was so immersed in the conversation that he couldn't stop from bumping into someone at the store.

"I'm sorry" They both apologized, phones in hand.

"I wasn't watching where I was going" Jonghyun spoke first.

"It wasn't just you" The stranger replied and smiled at him.

They parted then, going back to their phones quickly. The stranger was stunning to Jonghyun, his smile could light up any rainy day and he thought that was beautiful.

The two talked all day, Jonghyun never leaving his phone. He didn't even stop to talk to his two friends that day, just back home from the store and straight to his bed. For once, Jonghyun felt like he meant something to somebody. 


	3. You Washed Away The Loneliness

Jinki has one other friend, Jonghyun learned, they dated once but both of them try not to acknowledge it. It reminded Jonghyun of his own love life, only he didn't hang out with him anymore like Jinki. The two hang out often, but sometimes Jinki wishes they were back together. He knows now that this was just because he was lonely.

That made Jonghyun smile, believing that he is the reason Jinki is not lonely anymore.

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_So you're not lonely anymore?_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_No, not anymore_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Is it thanks to me?_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_Yes it is_ _  
_ _But don't get cocky about it_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Who was getting cocky?_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_Don't be all "It's because I'm great"_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Aw, you think I'm great?_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_Don't flatter yourself keke_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Well, if you do think I'm great I very much appreciate it_ _  
_ _But I'm not looking for a man anytime soon keke_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_keke sure you're not_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Well, if it was a certain guy, then maybe_

 **DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_i knew you'd fall for me_

 **JONGHYUN.948**   
_Now who's flattering themself? keke_

There was a new work everyday since they had met, and Jinki was always the first to read it. Jonghyun was falling for someone who was so faceless to him that he could be a 40-year-old woman, but he didn't seem to care. He let himself fall more in love everytime they talked, dropping little hints to Jinki about him being in love, but never if it was a man or woman. Even in his poems there was no gender, just love, not until he was ready to tell Jinki.

"Earth to Jonghyun, it's kind of rude to be texting through a movie" Kibum's voice interrupted his love sick thoughts.


	4. A Good Thing Is Hard To Find

"Who are you messaging anyway?" Minho asked.

"Just a friend" Jonghyun answered.

"Who?" Kibum asked, "Do you like them? What's their name?"

"He's a fan of my work, we've been talking for a while. His name is Jinki" Jonghyun told them.

"But do you like him?" Kibum asked, studying Jonghyun's face as a light blush appeared on the older's face, "Aww, you do!"

"But we're just internet friends, nothing more" Jonghyun replied.

He felt his phone vibrate in his hand as Minho spoke up.

"So that's who all those love poems are about, you're really crushing hard" He mused.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Did you fall asleep? _

Jonghyun giggled at the message, "He's really sweet" He began as he typed a reply, "I've been thinking about asking for a picture or for a meet up"

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ No, my friends are bugging me about texting all the time _

"And why haven't you?" Kibum asked.

Another vibration had him looking down at his phone rather than answering Kibum.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Your friends are odd keke _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ We're all odd keke _

"Ya! Kim Jonghyun, listen when people are talking to you!" Kibum scolded him.

"Sorry, Jinki texted me" Jonghyun replied.

"Why haven't you asked to meet up?" Kibum asked.

"I'm afraid it'll ruin my creative streak, the mystery of it all will be gone" Jonghyun answered, "It's the only way I can seem to get good sleep lately, good sleep only seems to come after I finish a piece"

"Then meet him and see if he's the cure to your insomnia, he could at least stay up with you until something lulls you both to sleep" Kibum told him, "Don't lose a good thing Jonghyun"


	5. 너 좋아해요

This was the poem, the poem that he'd use to confess to Jinki. Jonghyun posted it and sent Jinki a link, butterflies littering his stomach. At the end of the poem, Jonghyun wrote "Dedicated to Lee Jinki". He knew it was cheesy, he knew the whole situation would be cheesy as he poured his heart out to him. But that is just how Jonghyun is, and hopefully Jinki likes that.

Jonghyun was patient, waiting for him to read the love poem, waiting for a notification. As soon as he got it, he went to message Jinki.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ What did you think? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ It was beautiful, is it really for me? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Yes, I've been meaning to tell you how I feel. I know we haven't been talking for long, but I have really fallen for you. You've been the muse for many of my poems lately. I really like you Jinki. _

Jonghyun locked his phone after sending the message, not really sure if he wanted to know his reply, but happy that he finally told him. The buzz of his phone brought him back to reality as he looked at the message.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I really like you too Jonghyun _

Jonghyun couldn't wipe the smile off of his face when he read the message, he was so happy. He didn't know what to say to Jinki, so he didn't reply. Instead, he just kept reading the message, over and over, until his phone screen locked itself. That's when sleep swept over him, and his already dark room became even darker as his eyes slipped shut.


	6. Isolation

There was a break in their messaging, it worried Jonghyun but it didn't break his streak. He thought maybe he said something wrong, he thought he made Jinki angry. The worst part for him, he was too afraid to message first.

He had isolated himself in his apartment, messages from Kibum and Minho flooding his phone. This wasn't the first time the poet had done this, he's done it many times before, but it never fails to make his friends worry about him. He always claims it's for creativity, but no one believes him as he always comes back skinnier than before, his diet consisting of whatever he had in his apartment.

Thankfully it never lasted long, the shortest being two days and the longest being a week. This time however, didn't seem to have an end in sight. No messages for two weeks meant no Jonghyun for two weeks. He ate small amounts and wrote constantly. The thin apartment walls providing him with the entertainment of his friends fights, but guilt washed over him as the subject became him. At times, this isolation was paradise, and at other times it was torture. No matter what, he wasn't stopping until he felt it was right to stop.

Sleep wouldn't come to him, it never did anymore, isolation made his insomnia worse but he didn't mind it. Images he created in the dark occupied him instead of sleep. His phone buzzed from across the room, breaking the fragile dark. He ignored it, knowing it was either Kibum or Minho worrying about him again, not the person he wanted to talk to. The dark patched itself up as the light returned to his phone. His canvas was back as he pictured his poems put to life. He made his own Jinki, still faceless as they danced across the dark. His thoughts brought a smile to his tired face.

Another buzz, another crack in his thoughts. He was frustrated, so he closed his eyes instead of waiting for the light to retreat back into his phone. His thoughts came to life again and his smile returned, only to be interrupted again by the buzz of his phone on his desk. He shot up, trying to decide if he was upset or just tired as he headed to turn off his phone.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Hello _ _   
_ _ Are you awake right now? _ _   
_ _ I miss talking to you _

Jonghyun had never unlocked his phone quicker.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I'm awake, how have you been? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I could've been better, what about you? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I've been closed up in my apartment _ _   
_ _ It's something I do when I'm inspired _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I've been reading your recent works _ _   
_ _ They're really good _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Those are nothing special _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Well I like them _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I'm glad _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Why did we stop talking? _ _   
_ _ Was it something I said? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Was it something I said? _

Jonghyun paused, reading the same message twice, he couldn't believe Jinki thought it was his fault.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ You didn't say anything wrong! _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ You didn't either, i don't know how you could think that _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Let's promise to keep in touch from now on _ _   
_ _ No week long breaks _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Agreed _


	7. A Date?

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Do you live here in Korea? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Yea, I'm in Seoul, why? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ We should meet up _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Like, face-to-face? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Yea, how else? _

Jonghyun hesitated before responding.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Okay, where? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Do you like chicken? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Yes, just text me the address and time _

He couldn't help but smile to himself, causing Kibum and Minho to look at him with curiosity.

"What happened to make you smile so wide?" Minho asked and Jonghyun jumped.

"Wha? O-Oh, me and Jinki have agreed to meet up" Jonghyun answered, getting embarrassed.

"You're going on a date?" Kibum asked with excitement.

"I guess so" Jonghyun answered, a smile creeping back onto his face.

"What are you going to wear?" Kibum asked.

"Clothes" Jonghyun answered sarcastically, "You're not dressing me up Kibum"

"You better show him a good time" Kibum told him, "I want you to come home with him on your arm"

"We're just meeting up, we're not getting together" Jonghyun said, "It's not even really a date"

"But you want it to be, you want to be with him. I can see it" Minho observed and Jonghyun blushed.

"Well, people don't always get what they want" Jonghyun replied.


	8. Hello Old Friend

Jonghyun checked the address over and over, hoping he didn't misread it and go to the wrong place. He checked the time often, making sure he wasn't early or on time, he wanted Jinki to get there first. He stopped in front of the door and took in a deep breath before walking in.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Are you already there? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ Yea, are you? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Yes, I'm going to call you _

He dialed the number and scanned the room for who Jinki could be. There weren't many people there so it was easy to see a somewhat familiar man pick up his phone and Jonghyun heard as his lips moved.

"Hello?" Jinki answered and Jonghyun swears he's heard that voice before.

"Hello" Jonghyun replied and walked toward Jinki.

He hung up as he sat across from Jinki, the man that had a smile that could light up any rainy day.

"So you're Jinki?" Jonghyun asked.

"And you must be Jonghyun" He answered, smile not faltering.

"Have I seen you somewhere before?" Jonghyun asked.

"Didn't we bump into each other at the store?" Jinki asked.

"Oh yeah, I wasn't paying any attention because I was messaging you" Jonghyun answered, face lighting up as he remembered.

"I was doing the same thing" Jinki replied with a laugh.

They talked as if they had never talked to each other before. They were strangers, but at the same time, they knew everything about each other. Jonghyun felt that somehow, they were meant to be like this, knowing each other and at the same time knowing nothing about each other. Falling in love over and over again until they were truly in love. Jonghyun never usually believe in silly things like fate, but this time seemed different. He didn't want to leave Jinki when the night ended, so he didn't.


	9. Are We...?

"It's not much, but it's cozy" Jonghyun said as he let Jinki into his apartment.

It was a three room apartment, a small kitchen with a table and two chairs, a small bathroom, and then the bedroom with one double bed, a desk, and a television. 

"It's nice" Jinki smiled, "There's only one bed" He blushed as he realized they'd have to sleep together.

"If you get uncomfortable, I can move to the floor" Jonghyun replied.

"No, no it's fine, I don't mind" Jinki said, "What do you want to do?"

"We could watch a movie" Jonghyun suggested and climbed onto the bed with the television remote.

"Sounds good" Jinki smiled and Jonghyun felt his heart jump every time that smile was directed at him.

They surfed the channels to find something good to watch, but nothing caught Jonghyun's attention like Jinki, so the older got to choose. Jonghyun couldn't seem to get into whatever Jinki had put on, his head unconsciously turned to stare at Jinki.

"Jonghyun?" Jinki asked, his eyes meeting the brown haired boy next to him, "Is something wrong?"

"No" Jonghyun answered simply.

"Then why are you staring at me?" Jinki asked.

"Because you're pretty" Jonghyun answered.

A blush spread across Jinki's face as he smiled nervously.

"A-Are we... dating?" Jinki asked, "We confessed to each other, but..."

"Do you want to date?" Jonghyun asked, his face inching closer.

Jinki's eyes darted from Jonghyun's eyes to Jonghyun's lips.

"Y-Yes" He answered nervously.

"Good, because I didn't want this to become awkward" Jonghyun smirked before pressing his lips against Jinki's lightly.

The kiss was simple, just lips and hands cupping cheeks. Jonghyun didn't mind if they both stayed like this forever.


	10. Whatever You Want

Jonghyun was the one who deepened the kiss, and he managed to slip his tongue into Jinki's mouth, causing his hands to want to explore as well. He slipped his hands under Jinki's shirt and the older gasped lightly. Kisses were on and off as Jonghyun changed their position to straddle the older. Jonghyun had pushed Jinki's shirt up under his arms until they broke the kiss to slip it off. He took this time to slip off his own shirt as well and Jinki's face went red.

"Are we... Really doing this?" Jinki asked, eyes studying Jonghyun's body.

"Do you want me to stop?" Jonghyun asked seriously.

"I... I don't know" Jinki answered, a shift in Jonghyun's position making him let out a breath he didn't know he was holding.

"I won't do anything you don't want me to" Jonghyun told him, "Just tell me what you want"

"Kiss me?" Jinki asked, nervousness in his voice and Jonghyun smiled.

"Your wish shall be granted" Jonghyun told him and showered his face with feather kisses making Jinki smile, "Is that all?"

The kisses didn't stop and Jinki replied, "I want more but... I'm afraid" Jonghyun leaned back to look Jinki in the eye.

"Afraid of what?" He asked curious, taking one of Jinki's hands into his.

"I'm afraid that we'll go farther and then not last more than a month" Jinki answered, "I don't want to do anything until I know I won't lose you"

Jonghyun used his other hand to caress Jinki's cheek and kissed him sweetly.

"Then I'll do everything in my power over the next week to prove you won't lose me" Jonghyun told him and Jinki turned them on their side.

"For now, a good night's sleep for the sleepless" Jinki replied and Jonghyun smiled, playing with the older's hair.

"I'll try my best to sleep, but you know it's not easy for me" Jonghyun promised and traced his finger around Jinki's ear.

"I'll sing to you" Jinki offered.

"I love you" Jonghyun hummed in response and Jinki smiled at him.

"I love you too" Jinki replied and kissed him lightly, "Now get comfortable, I'm going to make sure you sleep tonight"

"Okay" Jonghyun smiled and turned onto his back, pulling the covers up over the two of them.

"Ready?" Jinki asked and Jonghyun closed his eyes.

"Mmhmm" He hummed and Jinki started singing.

His voice was beautiful, and Jonghyun felt sleep gripping him slowly. That night, Jonghyun dreamed for the first time in a very long time.


	11. Early Departures And Old Memories

When Jonghyun woke up, the spot beside him was empty. Fear washed over him as he racked his brain for things he could've done wrong, but then a blue sticky note caught his attention.

_ I had to leave early. I tried to tell you, but you were fast asleep! I hope I see you again soon. _

_ Love, Lee Jinki _

Jonghyun let out a sigh and slipped out of bed. He crossed the room to his phone sitting on his desk. The lock screen was blurred out by three texts from Kibum.

**BUMKEYK**   
_ How'd it go? _ _   
_ _ Did you take him home? _ _   
_ _ Are you dating? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ It went great, I did take him home, we are officially dating _

**BUMKEYK**   
_ Can we meet him?? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ He left already _

**BUMKEYK**   
_ Kim Jonghyun how could you let the man of your dreams leave without meeting us??? _

Jonghyun didn't answer, deciding instead to pay them a visit. He put on some clean clothes and had a small breakfast before walking the short distance to his friend's apartment. 

"You should've told him to stay so we could meet him" Kibum lectured Jonghyun as he sat down next to Minho on the couch.

"You'll meet him one day, just be patient" Jonghyun replied.

"Are you afraid we'll scare him off?" Minho asked, his arm draping around Kibum as the older sat down.

"You almost did with Taemin" The name burned Jonghyun's tongue, but he needed to get over it, "With all your fighting"

"I wish we had scared him away" Kibum replied and Minho rubbed his arm to calm him down.

"Just be glad he's gone now" Minho told him.

"But the state he put Jjong in is unforgivable" Kibum replied and Minho gave him a warning look to drop the subject.

"Hey, let's just forget I even mentioned him" Jonghyun spoke up and tried to hide the discomfort on his face.

"Sorry" Kibum apologized, "So, you and Jinki are dating now?"

"Yes" Jonghyun answered with pride, "Yes we are"

"Were you able to sleep last night?" Minho asked.

"Yea, it was a really peaceful sleep too, it was nice" Jonghyun told them and Kibum smiled.

"Do you think he's your cure?" Kibum asked.

Jonghyun shrugged, "I have no idea, I just hope to see him again soon" The smile that had spread itself on Jonghyun's face had Kibum and Minho gazing at each other.

"When you talk about him, your face lights up" Minho told him "Kim Jonghyun you are in love"


	12. All The Questions, Yet No Answers

_ Yelling, it was all he could hear, but this time it wasn't on the other side of the wall. Minho had paid Jonghyun a visit, if you could say that, it was more he was exposing a rat. The yelling wasn't directed at Jonghyun (thankfully, because he doesn't think he could've handled it then) but it wasn't toward Kibum either, Kibum was consoling Jonghyun _

_ It was Taemin. _

_ Every word that left Minho's mouth, Jonghyun knew he was going to say. Jonghyun knew all of it, he knew exactly what was going on the whole time. But the key point Minho walked in Jonghyun didn't know, not that day anyway. He knows very well now what made their relationship finally come to an end, and he regrets not doing anything before it happened. _

_ The dream didn't end, no matter how much Jonghyun wishes it did, but every ending is different when this dream happens. When he used to dream, he would have this dream a lot, each one ending differently. Sometimes good, most of the time sad. _

_ This time, Kibum turned into Jinki and Minho disappeared completely. Jonghyun began to hide Jinki behind him as Taemin came closer to them. _

_ "What am I going to do to him Jjong?" He sounded annoyed, and for the first time in a long time that nickname stung. _

_ Jonghyun couldn't speak and Jinki held onto his hand, and that's when he noticed Jinki was fading. _

_ "The days are numbered, and you know it" Taemin's voice was all he could hear as he yelled and reached for Jinki. _

_ The last of Jinki faded and Jonghyun could hear himself again. _

_ "Why?" He asked, tears staining his cheeks. _

_ "You know why, you just have yet to admit it to yourself" He couldn't see Taemin anymore, he couldn't see anyone but himself mirrored back at him. _

_ "What do you mean I know why? Why are our days numbered? What's happened to Jinki?!" Jonghyun cried and was met with a scoff. _

_ "You're pathetic, you've fooled everyone, even yourself" _

Jonghyun woke up, his head hurt and it was only three in the morning, he had only slept two hours. It took him a minute to recall his dream, and he quickly reached for his phone.

**JONGHYUN.948** **  
** _ Jinki?! Jinki, are you okay?! _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I'm fine, what's wrong? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I had a nightmare and it scared me, I thought something had happened to you _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I'm not doing anything, do you need me to come over? _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ I can't say no to seeing you _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I'm on my way <3 _

Jonghyun giggled at the heart and locked his phone before realizing the place needed some cleaning up after his attempts at writing.


	13. Memories

Jonghyun sat in the dim light of his apartment, his lamp being the only source of the light as he waited for Jinki to arrive. He had been waiting for a while and he began to worry, but part of him told him that everything was fine. That's when he heard the door unlock and he stood up, Jinki had finally arrived. Jinki closed the door behind him before bringing Jonghyun into his embrace. Jonghyun returned the embrace and whatever questions he had left his mind.

"I came as quick as I could, I was so worried about you" Jinki said and broke the hug to look at Jonghyun.

"I'm so glad you actually came" Jonghyun told him.

"Of course I came" Jinki replied, "I'm always here when you need me"

Jonghyun then hugged Jinki, burying his face into Jinki's neck.

"I love you" Jonghyun muttered into Jinki and Jinki began to stroke Jonghyun's hair gently.

"I love you too" Jinki replied and hesitated before continuing, "Do you want to talk about the nightmare?"

"Did I ever tell you about Taemin?" Jonghyun asked, looking at Jinki.

"You've mentioned him, but you haven't said anything about what he did" Jinki answered.

"I haven't heard from him in a year" Jonghyun started and moved his gaze away from Jinki's eyes, "Kibum and Minho think that's why I have insomnia, but I don't think it's as easy as that. I think it takes a lot more than that when it comes to insomnia"

Jonghyun broke the embrace and sat down on his bed and Jinki followed.

"In the beginning, I guess you could say we were in love. I don't know what happened, but I started to notice that something was off" Jonghyun let out a weak laugh, "I guess I just wasn't good enough for him anymore" He was looking down at his hands as he fumbled with them, "I should have pulled the plug earlier, but I thought that we just needed to talk things out"

Jinki grabbed Jonghyun's hand gently, comforting him as he continued.

"I would try and then he'd either have an excuse for it or start crying, I couldn't win" Jonghyun explained, "I was his fool" He sounded angry, but the few tears that had fallen showed he was still hurt, "It was thanks to Minho that it finally ended, he took action before I did"

"What did he do?" Jinki asked carefully, having an idea of what the answer would be but he wanted to be sure.

"He cheated on me, not once or twice, many times. His excuses were always the same lies, he just found another way to say it. If I told him I didn't believe him he'd get upset and start crying saying I didn't trust him" Jonghyun explained, "And then he went after Minho" Another tear escaped him as he recalled the memory, "Kibum was visiting me, and then there was a knock at the door and Kibum answered. Taemin was shoved into my apartment and Minho followed and slammed the door"

Jonghyun squeezed Jinki's hand as memories of that day and his dream came to him.

"He was yelling, telling me and Kibum all about how Taemin had been lying to me, but then he revealed that Taemin tried to seduce him. Kibum was furious but I was crying, so he tried to calm me down as Minho cursed at him and Taemin cursed back" Jonghyun wiped his tears and continued, "I'll never forget the last words Taemin spat at me"

Jonghyun paused as some more tears fell and he wiped them angrily.

" _ I never loved you, I only felt sorry for you, but then I learned why you were so lonely _ " Jonghyun repeated, "I gave him my all and he didn't even deserve it. And now I can't help but think I'm not good enough for anyone, that's why it plagues me so much" Jonghyun told him.

Jinki wiped away what tears were left on Jonghyun's face before bringing him into a hug.

"Am I... Good enough, Jinki?" Jonghyun asked, his words slightly muffled by Jinki's shirt.

"Don't ask useless questions, of course you are" Jinki replied and rubbed his back.

Jonghyun shifted his head so that his eyes were buried in Jinki's shoulder, and Jinki let him cry. That's where Jonghyun fell asleep, as Jinki carefully laid him down and tucked him in.

"Goodnight Jonghyun" Jinki said and Jonghyun drifted into sleep.


	14. I Don't Want To Live My Life Alone

Jonghyun expected to be alone when he woke up, but when he opened his eyes there was a familiar figure beside him. He smiled at the still asleep Jinki, his peaceful face was the most beautiful thing Jonghyun had ever seen. He wondered what the older was dreaming about as he took in his features. That's when Jinki's face scrunched up, a sad look washing over his face.

"Jonghyun" Jinki whispered and a tear slipped from his eye.

"Shh, I'm right here" Jonghyun replied, pulling Jinki close.

He tried to shake Jinki awake as gently as possible, and soon the older's arms were wrapping around him.

"Shh, it was only a dream" Jonghyun said soothingly in Jinki's ear.

"It was awful, one minute we're together and the next I was fading and you were crying" Jinki explained, his voice hushed.

"I know, just don't think about it. Come on, I'll make us some breakfast" Jonghyun told him and helped him out of bed.

Eggs and rice seemed simple enough, and Jonghyun wasn't very hungry anyway. He made some instant rice in the microwave as he cooked the eggs.

"My friends really want to meet you" Jonghyun told him, taking the rice out of the microwave.

"I want to meet them too, should we go over there after breakfast?" Jinki asked with a small smile.

"It's up to you" Jonghyun answered, placing the finished eggs on the rice.

"We'll have to meet each other eventually" Jinki replied as Jonghyun brought the rice and eggs to him.

"I'll text Kibum when we finish eating" Jonghyun told him and handed him his chopsticks with a smile.

They tidied themselves up after breakfast and headed next door to Kibum's. Jonghyun didn't know why, but he felt nervous. Something just felt wrong as he knocked on Kibum's door. Jonghyun tensed up after he knocked and a phone rang.

Jinki reached into his pocket and answered it, mumbling a sorry to Jonghyun as he darted down the hall and Kibum opened the door. Kibum smiled at Jonghyun, but the state of his hair told him that he just woke up.

"Good morning, did you just wake up?" Jonghyun asked and Kibum let out a small, almost forced, laugh.

"I didn't have time to get ready, or clean..." Kibum looked lost in thought before he cleared his throat to continue, "Where's Jinki?" He asked, and looked behind Jonghyun.

"He had a phone call, he's just down the hall" Jonghyun answered before fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Jinki had messaged him, and he suppressed a sad sigh.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I'm so sorry, something came up, I can't meet Kibum today _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ It's okay, maybe we can reschedule _

"He's not coming" Jonghyun told Kibum, and Kibum sighed.

"It's probably for the best" Kibum mumbled and Jonghyun looked at him confused.

"Why is that?" Jonghyun asked.

Kibum didn't reply, not sure how to explain.

"Where's Minho?" Jonghyun and Kibum's gaze met the floor.

"H-He went home last night, do you want to watch a movie or something?" Kibum asked and Jonghyun became suspicious.

"Kibum?" Jonghyun asked and he looked up, "Did something happen?"

"What do you m-mean?" Kibum asked, removing his shaking hand from the doorknob.

"You look like you're going to cry" Jonghyun replied, concerned.

"I'm" Kibum's voice cracked and he cleared his throat, "I'm fine" He put on a weak smile, "Why don't you come inside"


	15. Hold Me Til The Morning Light

Jonghyun followed him inside and sat down on his couch. There were books and magazines scattered on the floor and a broken vase by Kibum's bed.

"What happened here?" Jonghyun asked in shock as Kibum sat down beside him.

"Just a f-fight, he'll come back, r-right? He always comes back ri-ight?" Kibum asked more himself than Jonghyun.

"What did you two fight about?" Jonghyun asked, grabbing Kibum's hand in an attempt to calm him.

"This asshole got Minho's number and texted him that I-I-" Kibum choked out a sob before continuing, "That I h-had slept with him" Jonghyun began rubbing his back before replying.

"Did you?" Jonghyun asked and Kibum hit him lightly.

"Of course not!" Kibum answered, "Minho didn't believe me, and now I can't get ahold of him"

"Why didn't he believe you?" Jonghyun asked and Kibum let tears fall.

"Because it was an old friend, before I accepted I was gay. We had started talking again and he said he liked me so I told him about Minho and how happy I am with Minho" Kibum explained, sniffling.

"Why haven't you told Minho this?" Jonghyun asked, continuing to rub his back.

"He wouldn't listen to me, he just got s-so angry, so hu-urt" A sob wracked his body, "I shouldn't have e-ever started to talk t-to Woohyun aga-ain" Kibum's head fell into his hands.

"Do you want me to call him?" Jonghyun suggested.

"He won't answer me so I doubt he'll answer you" Kibum replied and lifted his head up, "But you can try"

"Is there anything you need first?" Jonghyun asked as Kibum brought his knees to his chest.

"I need Minho" Kibum answered, sounding purely shattered.

"Have you eaten?" Jonghyun asked and Kibum lifted his head up.

"No, I wasn't hungry" Kibum answered and Jonghyun got up.

"If I cook you something, will you eat it?" Jonghyun asked and Kibum shrugged.

"I'm not hungry Jjong, don't waste your time" Kibum told him.

"I'm not letting you do this to yourself again" Jonghyun declared and Kibum nodded.

"I'm sorry" Kibum muttered as Jonghyun got down the pancake mix.

"It's alright, I'll look after you for now, you are my friend after all" Jonghyun told him and began to make the pancakes.

He only made three and brought them to Kibum, handing him the syrup and a fork and receiving a soft thank you in response.

"I'll be right outside if you need anything" Jonghyun told him and stepped out of the apartment.


	16. Turn Back The Clock

Jonghyun dialled Minho's number and waited, the younger finally answering after four rings.

"Hello?" Minho sighed into the phone.

"Hey Minho, where are you?" Jonghyun replied and noted the sound of rain.

"I'm taking a walk, why?" Minho asked.

"I hope you're not getting soaked, if you get sick we'll all get sick" Jonghyun told him, a laugh in his voice.

"I have an umbrella, someone gave me one" Minho replied, "Why did you call?"

"I wanted to hear your side of the story" Jonghyun answered, "What happened between you and Kibum?"

Minho sighed and cleared his throat before answering.

"I had received a text from this guy, Woohyun is what he said his name was, he said he was Kibum's friend and we started talking a bit" Minho took a breath and continued, "Then he told me Kibum had slept with him, told me the date and everything. So I asked Kibum about that day..."

"And what did he say?" Jonghyun asked and heard Minho sniffle and clear his throat again.

"He told me he had hung out with Woohyun that day, he was so happy that they were 'reunited' as he said. His eyes lit up and his smile was beautiful and bright..." Minho trailed off, "He's so happy with him Jonghyun..."

"Have you talked to Kibum about it?" Jonghyun asked.

"Kibum kept talking about Woohyun and how great that day was and I just... Snapped" Minho sighed, "I... I started yelling and he yelled back at first and it irritated me more and I started breaking things and throwing stuff around a-and he was cryi-ing and trying to tell me the truth b-but I wouldn't listen"

It shocked Jonghyun to hear the younger crying, he usually kept it in or only let Kibum see him cry.

"You can listen now, just come back and talk to him" Jonghyun told him.

"Why would he want to talk to me now? Every fight we've ever had I've been given the cold shoulder for days before he would listen to my apology" Minho replied and Jonghyun took his turn to sigh.

"This time is different, I felt like I was talking to the old Kibum" Jonghyun said and gazed at the Kibum's apartment door.

"I did that to him?" Minho sounded broken hearted and Jonghyun began to regret saying it.

"All he wants is to have you back, just come back and talk to him please" Jonghyun replied.

"I'm on my way, please tell me you haven't left him alone" Minho complied.

"I made him breakfast, he hadn't eaten. He hasn't been alone long" Jonghyun tried to reassure him.

"Go check on him and stay by his side until I get there" Minho ordered and hung up.


	17. Baby Don't Keep Me Waiting

Jonghyun was relieved to find Kibum poking at half a pancake when he returned.

"Is he coming back?" Kibum asked sadly, but there was hope in his eyes.

"He's on his way right now" Jonghyun answered and Kibum began to tear up.

"Y-You're serious?" Kibum asked and Jonghyun nodded.

"He feels just as bad for not listening to you" Jonghyun told him and Kibum let his tears fall.

Kibum couldn't speak, instead he cried into his hands as Jonghyun rubbed his back.

"Th-Thank you" Kibum managed, sniffling and rubbing his eyes to make himself presentable.

It was quiet as they waited, neither of them quite sure what to say as Jonghyun put the half pancake away for leftovers. To Kibum, waiting for Minho felt like hours, maybe days, and when he heard the click of the lock he felt he should hide in case he still looked like he was crying. The door opened and they both held their breath and Minho walked in. He didn't get very far before Kibum was hugging him, even though parts of him were wet from rain. Jonghyun watched as Minho hugged back and the couple's breathing started to hitch.

"I should have listened to you" Minho said through a few tears.

"I should have never started talking to Woohyun again" Kibum replied and took a deep breath to calm himself down.

"You didn't know he would act like that" Minho told him, "I should have known to trust you, but the way your face lit up broke me"

"Trust me, my face will never look happy talking about him again" Kibum replied, "He almost took the most precious thing from me"

"I love you, so much" Minho said and kissed Kibum's forehead, showing Jonghyun the tears sliding down his cheeks.

"I love you too" Kibum replied and hugged the taller tighter.

"I'll clean the apartment up, you two need to just spend some time in each other's arms right now" Jonghyun spoke up and Minho looked at him.

"I made the mess Jjong, I'll clean it" Minho told him and Jonghyun smiled.

"I don't think Kibum would allow that right now" Jonghyun nodded his head at how tight Minho's boyfriend was holding onto him.


	18. Sorry

Jonghyun wasn’t able to sleep that night, despite it being so quiet next door. He wouldn’t write, he couldn’t, there were no ideas in his mind. His mind was blank, drawing pictures out of cracks in the ceiling tiles. His mind was peaceful, but he couldn’t sleep. And then a thought appeared.

_ I’d be able to fall asleep if Jinki were beside me. _

He closed his eyes at the thought, imagining the older snuggled up beside him. The vibration of his phone on his nightstand brought him to reality as he reached to view the notification.

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I’m sorry about earlier, I’m headed to your place right now _

Jonghyun sat up, surprised by the text.

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ It’s alright, how’d you know I was awake? _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ I didn’t _

**JONGHYUN.948**   
_ Okay, see you soon _

**DLSTMXKAKWLDRL**   
_ See you soon _

Jonghyun smiled at his phone, knowing Jinki would end up sleeping over like always. He laid back down, thinking about what might have made Jinki suddenly want to be with him. Waiting for Jinki to arrive felt like seconds to Jonghyun, a few knocks and the door was opening. Jonghyun sat back up and smiled at his boyfriend as Jinki closed the door.

“Sorry for the short notice, I just wanted to see you” Jinki told him as he approached the bed.

“It’s alright, I wanted to see you too” Jonghyun smiled and held out his arms for a hug.

Jinki complied and wrapped his arms around Jonghyun, climbing into his lap as well.

“I missed you so much today” Jonghyun told him, breathing in his scent.

“I know, but I had to be there for my parents” Jinki replied, “I’m sorry”

“Don’t be sorry, I understand” Jonghyun chuckled and kissed Jinki’s neck.

“Okay, then I won’t be” Jinki replied cutely and Jonghyun laughed at the tone.

“You should do that more often” Jonghyun told him and they looked at each other.

They stayed like that, gazing at each other for a little while, everything seeming perfect.

“Will you stay with me tonight?” Jonghyun asked.

“Of course” Jinki answered, “I can tell you haven’t been able to sleep, you look so tired”

“Yeah… You showed up at just the right time” Jonghyun replied and smiled.

“I try” Jinki replied and crawled out of his lap, “Now lay down, it’s bed time for you”

“Fine” Jonghyun pouted and got comfortable, Jinki joining him in the bed shortly after.

Jinki sang Jonghyun to sleep again, the younger curled up by his side.


	19. Happy Birthday

Kibum and Minho woke Jonghyun up with a cake that morning, his lover from the night before nowhere in sight. His friends wishes of “Happy Birthday” were drowned out as he grabbed his phone to call Jinki. Kibum seemed upset at being ignored, but Minho just watched as Jonghyun dialed someone quickly and put the phone to his ear.

“Jinki?” Jonghyun asked, and the couple heard what sounded like talking through the phone, the volume was too low to tell, “Where did you go?”

Kibum sat down on the bed and Minho went to put the cake on the dining table as Jonghyun continued the call.

“It’s alright baby, I have one every year, don’t worry about it. I was just worried about where you were” Jonghyun told his boyfriend and Kibum tried not to be angry that Jinki was missing Jonghyun’s birthday.

Jonghyun hung up, and Kibum glanced at the phone as he set it down, questions coming up but being erased as Minho returned and Jonghyun began to speak.

“Sorry, he slept over last night and I panicked when I didn’t see him” Jonghyun scratched the back of his neck.

“It’s alright, we got you a cake. Is Jinki going to be able to make it?” Minho asked and Jonghyun half-smiled.

“He works for his parents, they only call for him when they really need him” Jonghyun answered, “He doesn’t know if he’ll be able to come at all”

Kibum couldn’t help but be mad, remembering the many things Taemin missed that made Jonghyun upset.

“Come blow out your candles” Minho said before Kibum could open his mouth and Jonghyun got up and stretched.

Jonghyun left the room first and Minho stopped Kibum.

“I’m upset too, but don’t say anything. Leave it for tomorrow or something, just don’t ruin his birthday any more than it has been” Minho told Kibum and the older nodded before walking out of the room.

“It looks good, thank you both” Jonghyun smiled tiredly.

“You’re welcome, now make a wish” Kibum replied and Jonghyun closed his eyes, blowing out the candles shortly after.

“You remember where the plates are right?” Jonghyun asked as Minho searched through cabinets.

The three had cake for breakfast, laughing about how unhealthy it was before digging in. They talked the whole time, not one moment being silent, it felt like old times and Jonghyun thought it’d be better if Jinki were there.

Kibum and Minho stayed with him the whole day, taking him out to eat, buying him presents, and biting their tongues whenever Jinki was mentioned. Jonghyun rated the day 90/100, he wished Jinki had been there.

Jonghyun’s friends didn’t leave him alone until midnight, when his birthday was officially over. The couple left the apartment together, Jonghyun holding the door open for them, watching Kibum unlock their shared apartment next door and walk in. Jonghyun had almost closed his door, when a foot stopped him. He pushed the door open and looked up into his boyfriend’s eyes. Jinki smiled at him and Jonghyun felt his eyes begin to water as he hugged the older.

“I’m so sorry I wasn’t there for your birthday” Jinki apologized.

Jonghyun shook his head, “You’re here now, and that’s all I care about”


	20. Hope Is Very Hard When...

Jinki didn’t sleep over that night, his parents needing him the next day. Jonghyun wanted to tell him to stay anyway, but he knew it wasn’t his place to. He woke up to knocking on his door, the knocker making sure it was loud enough to reach Jonghyun’s room. He got up quickly and answered the door, thinking it was Kibum or Minho or both, maybe even Jinki if he was lucky. Jonghyun tried to slam the door back after seeing who it was, but a hand on the door and a few pleading words stopped him.

“Please Jonghyun, I just want to talk” Taemin’s voice sounded different, he had never heard the boy like this.

Jonghyun went against his better judgement and let him in, closing the door behind him. Taemin, his jacket hood up and hands in his pockets, walked in a few steps, but just stood there instead of making a move to sit like he used to.

“What do you want?” Jonghyun asked, trying to be calm as memories flooded his mind.

“I regret what I did to you” Taemin spoke softly, and Jonghyun wasn’t sure if he had heard right.

“What?” Jonghyun was at a loss for words.

“I’ve spent a lot of time thinking, and I was absolutely awful to you” Taemin answered and Jonghyun listened closely, “I wanted to apologize to you”

“This isn’t some cruel joke is it?” Jonghyun asked and Taemin looked him in the eyes for the first time.

“I’ve met someone who means the world to me, and they have opened my eyes to what I did, how I made you feel. I never wanted you to feel like you meant nothing to me, I was just angry and I said hurtful things and I’m just here to tell you I’m sorry” Taemin explained and Jonghyun’s eyes were wide.

“Are you going to apologize to Kibum and Minho too?” Jonghyun asked and Taemin nodded.

“I don’t think they’ll forgive me” Taemin scoffed, looking back down, “I was seriously awful back then”

“You were” Jonghyun added and silence fell over them.

“How have you all been?” Taemin asked, genuine curiosity in his voice.

“Kibum and Minho don’t fight nearly as much, they had one big fight a couple of days ago but since then there’s been nothing” Jonghyun answered and Taemin nodded.

“What about you?” Taemin asked, and Jonghyun smiled to himself.

“I have a boyfriend now, he’s the sweetest, I wish he were here right now but he had to work” Jonghyun answered, his smile not faltering.

“Do you still write?” Taemin asked and Jonghyun nodded.

“It was thanks to my writing that I met him, he was a fan that started messaging me” Jonghyun explained and Taemin smiled for the first time.

“He must be just your type then” Taemin replied and Jonghyun agreed.

Another knock came from the door, and Jonghyun answered it with high hopes of it being Jinki. He still smiled at the friendly face that met him, even though it wasn’t Jinki. 

“Kibum has work and I was lonely, may I come in?” Minho asked and Jonghyun hesitated.

Jonghyun had forgotten about their height difference for a second, thinking Minho couldn’t see the figure with their back to the door.

“Is Jinki here?” Minho asked, eyeing the figure and Jonghyun didn’t know what to say.

Taemin cleared his throat before turning around and meeting Minho’s gaze. The taller man’s gaze went from confused to angry in seconds and Jonghyun knew he couldn’t stop anything that would happen next.


	21. Would You Fight For Me?

Jonghyun was sure this is what Taemin expected, the boy was crazy if he thought any differently. A bruise was forming around his eye as Minho dragged him back up to his feet. Taemin was lucky no other punches were thrown, as instead the older let him speak.

“I came to apologize” Taemin told him, getting Minho’s attention, “I already apologized to Jonghyun, and now I want to apologize to both you and Kibum”

“Why? Why after all that you’ve done to us would you think we’d forgive you?” Minho asked.

“I don’t think you’ll forgive me, I just think apologizing is the right thing to do” Taemin answered, and Jonghyun could tell Minho was still angry.

“What changed inside of you to make you like this, because I want to know why it didn’t happen sooner” Minho replied and Taemin took in a breath.

“I fell in love, I told him about my past, and now I’m doing what’s right” Taemin explained.

“How romantic” Minho said sarcastically.

Taemin got down on his knees, then bowed at Minho’s feet, both Jonghyun and Minho looked at him in shock.

“I am sincerely sorry for breaking your best friend’s heart and trying to steal you from the most important person in your life” Taemin apologized and Minho looked to Jonghyun.

“Get up” Minho said and Taemin complied.

“When will Kibum be home?” Taemin asked and Minho looked at his phone for the time.

“His lunch is in an hour, but he doesn’t get off for four more” Minho answered and Taemin nodded.

“Does he still work at the flower shop?” Taemin asked and Minho nodded, “I’ll go see him during his lunch”

“I eat lunch with him, but I am not taking you with me. Just know you’ll be slapped and I’m not helping you in any way” Minho told him.

“I don’t deserve help, these are things I have to do myself” Taemin replied and Minho’s eyes widened.

“You really have changed” Minho observed and Jonghyun nodded.

“I’ve had year to reflect, and a wonderful boyfriend to help me sort out my thoughts” Taemin explained, “I’m just glad you didn’t beat me to death”

The hour came along slowly, but the long wait was worth it to watch Minho’s video of Kibum slapping Taemin not once, but three times across the face for various things. Telling the story to Jinki that night was fun, the both of them laughing at the younger getting things long due to him.

“I wish I could’ve been there too, I would have loved to show him how to treat a gift like you” Jinki told Jonghyun, hugging the younger closer.

“I wish you could be with me forever” Jonghyun replied and Jinki kissed the top of his head.

It was quiet as Jinki snuggled into the back of Jonghyun’s neck, and Jonghyun sighed happily at the feeling.

“Have you been avoiding Kibum and Minho?” Jonghyun brought himself to ask, although something kept telling him he knew the answer.

“Of course not” Jinki answered, “I just have to be there for my parents”

Jonghyun just nodded in understanding and he seemed to feel Jinki’s worry.

“Are you mad?” Jinki asked hesitantly.

“No, I understand, don’t worry baby” Jonghyun answered and turned himself around to face Jinki.

He smiled at the older, playing with Jinki’s hair to reassure him.

“I love you” Jinki said and kissed Jonghyun sweetly.

“I love you too” Jonghyun replied and snuggled into the older.


	22. Catch Me, I'm Falling

Jinki was gone that morning, again, but Jonghyun wasn’t worried this time as he woke up to Kibum shaking him gently.

“What are you doing here?” Jonghyun asked, knowing it was just another day, nothing special.

“I just wanted to check up on you” Jonghyun could tell he was half-lying, but he wasn’t going to press on for answers, “I made some breakfast, come eat”

Jonghyun pulled himself out of bed and rubbed his eyes, that’s when his phone lit up, Jinki’s name across the top. Jonghyun smiled to himself and answered it.

“Hello honey~” He sang into the phone and Kibum was looking at him, trying to hide some kind of pain in his eyes.

“Jjongie, did you sleep well?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun smiled.

“I always sleep well next to you, I’m sorry you had to leave again” Jonghyun replied, feeling Kibum’s eyes on him.

“I’m the one that should be sorry” Kibum said something right then and Jonghyun missed it, “Is Kibum there?” Jinki asked.

“Yeah, he came to check up on me” Jonghyun answered and Kibum stiffened as he realized they were talking about him.

“Tell him I said ‘Hi’!” Jinki requested and Jonghyun pulled the phone away from his mouth.

“Jinki says ‘Hi’” Jonghyun tells Kibum.

“Tell him I said ‘Hello’” Kibum replied, smiling a little though Jonghyun can tell it’s not genuine.

“Kibum says ‘Hello’, he made me breakfast so I should really get going” Jonghyun told Jinki, moving his phone back to his mouth.

“Okay, call me later okay? I miss you~” Jinki sang and Jonghyun giggled.

“I will” Jonghyun smiled and the two said their goodbyes.

Jonghyun stretched before following Kibum to his dining room.

“I think you’d really like Jinki if you two ever met” Jonghyun mused and Kibum didn’t look at him as he spoke.

“Your breakfast is getting cold” Kibum replied, handing him a bowl and chopsticks before beginning to step out of the room.

“What’s wrong?” Jonghyun asked before Kibum made it back to Jonghyun’s bedroom.

“It’s nothing, I have to call Minho real quick” Kibum explained, leaving Jonghyun unconvinced, but he dropped the subject after nodding.

Jonghyun began to eat, but his curiosity was eating at him the longer Kibum took. He got up quietly, not wanting Kibum to hear him, and looked in the crack of his bedroom door.

“...To do something, Minho” Kibum spoke.

Jonghyun strained his ear to hear Kibum’s responses.

“I can't just sit and watch this happen!” His voice was hush, but loud enough to make his point.

Kibum nodded as Minho responded, and Jonghyun just hoped he wouldn't look at the door.

“You can't tell me you haven't noticed… It's almost painfully obvious!” Kibum ran a hand through his hair and his eyes met Jonghyun’s, “Hold on, honey”

Jonghyun walked into his room, half-knowing but half-confused with what was going on.

“H-How much did you hear?” Kibum asked, his eyes fearful.

“Not much” Jonghyun mumbled, “What's going on?”

“Nothing, it's nothing” Kibum tried but Jonghyun wanted answers this time.

“It's something that you can't just sit and watch happen, don't leave me in the dark about this, Kibum” Jonghyun quoted the younger.

“I will tell you one thing, and you'll just have to trust me on it” Kibum told him and Jonghyun’s gaze threatened to burn holes in him, “You have to break up with Jinki”


	23. I Can't See, I Can't See

Jonghyun was silent, he didn’t know how to respond, but he knew Kibum wasn’t going to tell him why.

“Jonghyun?” Kibum asked and their eyes met.

“You should probably get back to your call” Jonghyun replied and turned to leave the room.

“Wait” Jonghyun stopped and turned his head, “Are you going to do it?” Kibum asked, but the question was ignored as Jonghyun left the room.

“Thanks for breakfast, I’m going out and I don’t want to see you here when I get back” Jonghyun announced and slipped his coat on, leaving the apartment.

He didn’t know where he was going, maybe to Minho’s work, maybe to a cafe, he didn’t know. He just needed time to think, or answers, he couldn’t decide which was better. He decided on thinking and ended up in a quiet cafe, not ordering anything, just sitting and listening. The soft conversations seemed to quiet his mind, and the pitter patter of rain began, causing him to take in a deep breath. Jonghyun stared out the window for what felt like hours, watching the rain fall.

Before he knew it, he was racing out of the cafe, darting across the street after a familiar figure. Though he hadn’t seen Jinki’s face, he knew it was him, he knew Jinki. Jonghyun followed the figure until the crowd seemed to swallow Jinki, and Jonghyun could no longer see him. It felt like some kind of dream, but Jonghyun knew he was wide awake as people began to bump into him as he was now standing still.

Then his phone rang in his pocket, the screen reading Minho. He didn’t particularly want to answer it, but he decided it was best to.

“Hello?” Jonghyun answered and the rain got harder.

“Jonghyun, where are you? We’re worried about you” Minho replied and Jonghyun sighed.

“Do you know where my favorite coffee shop is?” Jonghyun asked and began to walk back to the shop.

“I'm on my way, stay there” Minho answered and Jonghyun sighed as the call ended.

He leaned up against the wall of the shop, knowing he'd get sent out if he walked in. He was soaked through his clothes, and he was thankful as he saw Minho’s car pull up.

Jonghyun let himself into the backseat after his eyes met Kibum's in the passenger seat. It was quiet as they began to drive back to their apartments.

Kibum cleared his throat, “I'm sorry about earlier” He apologized.

“Are you going to explain why you said what you did?” Jonghyun asked and he saw Kibum take a breath.

“It's better if you don't know” Minho spoke up and Jonghyun sighed.

“I deserve to know if it's about my boyfriend” Jonghyun replied and Minho met his gaze through the rearview mirror.

“I don’t think it’s our place to tell you” Minho told him and Kibum nodded.

“But it’s your place to tell me to break up with him?” Jonghyun asked annoyed.

“No, it’s not, but Kibum is just looking out for you” Minho answered.

“If you’re looking out for me, why can’t you tell me why we should break up?” Jonghyun asked.

“Because it’s best if you cut him out of your life without knowing why” Minho answered matter-of-factly.

“Would that work?” Kibum tried to whisper, Minho just shrugged in response.

“Would I be happier that way or something? Happy from being clueless?” Jonghyun asked, slightly angry.

“Yes” Minho answered simply, ignoring the angry tone.

They finally made it to the apartments, Jonghyun quickly went inside and dried off, changing into dry clothes. He kept racking his mind for what Jinki could be hiding, but part of him kept telling himself that nothing was wrong. Soft knocking brought him out of his thoughts, and the door opened before Jonghyun could get to it. Jinki walked in, soaked.

“Jinki, did you not have an umbrella?” Jonghyun asked concerned and the older shook his head.

Jonghyun lent Jinki some of his clothes he didn’t know he had and let the older get comfortable.

“I’ve missed you all day” Jinki said, hugging Jonghyun from behind.

“I’ve missed you too” Jonghyun smiled and leaned back into him.

Jonghyun almost didn’t have the courage to say what he said next, but after a long sigh it finally came out.

“Jinki… Are you seeing someone else?” Jonghyun asked and Jinki froze.


	24. I'm Living For You

Jinki turned Jonghyun around to face him.

“Why do you think I’m cheating on you?” Jinki asked seriously.

“Kibum and Minho, they told me to break up with you but they won’t explain why and it’s just making me question everything” Jonghyun answered truthfully.

“They… Want us to break up?” Jinki sounded heartbroken and it hurt Jonghyun to hear him like that.

Jonghyun just nodded sadly, “And they say it’s not their place to tell me why”

“So, a-are we breaking up?” Jinki’s voice was full of fear.

“Of course not honey, don’t worry” Jonghyun replied and put their foreheads together, “I’m yours forever”

They smiled at each other and Jonghyun pecked Jinki. Soon, the worried look came back to Jonghyun’s face.

“I’m still so confused, why would they want us to break up?” Jonghyun asked more himself than Jinki.

“They’ve never even met me, so they probably don’t trust me” Jinki answered and Jonghyun nodded.

“Then I guess you’ll just have to meet them” Jonghyun said and smiled sweetly.

“When shall I meet them?” Jinki asked, returning the smile.

“It’s almost dinner, we’ll cook a meal and invite them over” Jonghyun answered.

“With what food?” Jinki asked with a laugh.

“Kibum was able to make me breakfast today, I’m sure there’s something in here” Jonghyun answered and began searching his cabinets.

They ended up deciding on Ramen, with various side dishes, as it seemed to be the only things Jonghyun had. The couple stared triumphantly at the dinner they had made, and Jonghyun called Kibum.

“Hello?” Kibum answered and Jonghyun sighed.

“So, I’ve been thinking about what the two of you said” Jonghyun began, pausing in case Kibum had something to say, “And I’ve decided I’m not breaking up with him”

“Okay” Kibum replied, “Then why did you call?”

“Well, I’ve been trying to figure out why the two of you would suggest such a thing and I’ve come up with an answer” Jonghyun answered.

“Jonghyun…” Kibum trailed off.

“You two don’t trust Jinki because you haven’t met him” Jonghyun told him and Kibum mumbled something to who Jonghyun guessed was Minho, “So, the two of us have prepared a dinner”

“D-Dinner?” Kibum asked, “You’re inviting us all to eat together?”

“At the cheap restaurant of my place” Jonghyun answered, “Are you two free?”

“Yeah, we’ll be right over” Kibum told him.

“Okay, I’ll see you soon” Jonghyun said happily.

“See you soon” Kibum replied and hung up.

Jinki and Jonghyun waited patiently at the door for the couple to arrive, hand in hand and smiles on their faces. The door unlocked slowly, and was pushed open even slower, the couple afraid of what was on the other side.

“Hello!” Jinki and Jonghyun greeted as Kibum’s face came into view, Minho behind him.

“Jonghyun” Minho spoke as Kibum covered his mouth.

Jonghyun looked at their concerned faces, fear washing over him as he looked over to Jinki.


	25. It's All In My Head

“Why do you look like that? It’s just Jinki” Jonghyun asked and gestured to his boyfriend and Kibum shook his head.

“Where is he?” Minho asked and Jonghyun looked confused, and turned his head to share the look with his boyfriend.

Panic struck him and he realized he was holding onto air and he looked around the room for his boyfriend.

“H-He was right here!” Jonghyun told them and Minho walked up to Jonghyun slowly as the older pulled out his phone.

“Jonghyun” Minho spoke and the older looked up with tears in his eyes, “Jinki isn’t here”

“That’s alright, I’ll just call him and he’ll come back” Jonghyun began to dial a number but Minho stopped him, “Let me call him”

“It wouldn’t matter if you did” Minho told him.

“Of course it would, he’d rush over here, he’s always here when I need him” Jonghyun replied and they heard Kibum sniffle.

“He’s here whenever you want him to be, have you ever thought about why?” Minho asked and Jonghyun looked away from him.

He was there, Jinki, sitting at the dining table, his head down and his arm hanging from his body. Jonghyun could feel something was wrong and he pushed past Minho to get to Jinki. Minho watched as Jonghyun started mumbling to himself, to the chair or the table or the food, he wasn’t sure.

“Jonghyun?” Kibum asked, afraid.

“We’ve got to take him to the hospital!” Jonghyun sounded scared and Kibum used his sleeve to wipe his tears, “Don’t just stand there, help me grab him!”

Minho walked over and grabbed Jonghyun’s arm, pulling him away from the dining table.

“Are you not going to help him?! You’re just going to let him die?!” Jonghyun sounded somewhere between angry and upset.

“We’re helping you” Minho replied, “Jinki’s dying because you’re starting to realize he’s a hallucination” 

“What?” Jonghyun asked and pulled his arm away.

“You’ve answered your phone when it doesn’t even ring, he only sees you but never us, right now you see him at the table but we don’t” Kibum explained and Jonghyun looked broken.

“Jonghyun, come to our apartment and stay there for the night, then in the morning we’ll take you to a doctor” Minho more demanded than suggested.

The tears in Kibum’s eyes were what made Jonghyun comply, but as he started to leave the apartment a soft cry hit his ears.

“Jonghyun…” Jinki’s voice cried weakly and Jonghyun turned around.

No one was there.


	26. I'm Coming Home

Jonghyun had never actually thought about how Jinki was always there when he needed him. He had never once thought it was odd how Jinki didn’t need a key to get in his apartment, or how they just fit so perfectly. It took two weeks for Jonghyun to cope with the fact he fell in love with his own hallucination, and two more to stop seeing Jinki all together. He had been diagnosed with schizophrenia, and the hospital kept him for a little over a month before letting him go back home. Kibum and Minho visited him often, bringing him the occasional gift to make the hospital room feel less like a prison. Jonghyun was thankful to them, for supporting him the whole time and keeping his apartment clean for when he returned home.

Minho drove him home from the hospital, and Kibum surprised him when they got home with a “Welcome Home” banner. The couple helped him unpack his suitcase, and soon after the three were out the door and on their way to Jonghyun’s favorite coffee shop. They decided to walk there instead of drive, and Jonghyun couldn’t have been happier to get fresh air.

“I’m so glad it decided not to rain today” Kibum mused, hand in hand with Minho.

“This is the best I’ve felt in a long time” Jonghyun revealed, taking in a deep breath as the couple looked at him.

“Good” Minho replied and Kibum nodded.

“Ah, and I want that coffee so bad now, I’m glad we’re almost there” Jonghyun said and the couple nodded.

“Get whatever you like, it’s our treat” Minho told him and Jonghyun shook his head.

“You don’t have to do that” Jonghyun replied.

“We missed you, the least we can do is pay for your food” Kibum said.

“You two saw me practically everyday, you couldn’t have missed me that much” Jonghyun laughed as they came up on the cafe.

“We missed doing things like this with you, so we will pay for it this time” Minho explained and held the door to the cafe open for the two of them.

The line was kind of long, they hadn’t realized it was rush hour, but none of them seemed to care. Although they had seen each other the whole month Jonghyun was away, they still had so much to talk about. It was revealed to Jonghyun that the couple hadn’t fought at all. Jonghyun would be lying if he said he wasn’t jealous of what they had together. They had rough spots, but Jonghyun could see how perfectly they fit together. He wished he had something special like that with someone, but now when he thought about it, he thought about Jinki. He shook the feeling off as they approached the cashier.

“Hello, how can I help you?” The voice sounded familiar so Jonghyun looked up.

His breath caught in his throat and he turned to Kibum as Minho ordered.

“Kibum, that’s…” Jonghyun trailed off and Kibum looked at him worried.


	27. You're Looking Right Through Me

“Jinki” Jonghyun breathed and Kibum’s eyes widened as he read the cashier’s name plate.

“Yes, I understand, what would the two of you like?” The cashier asked and Kibum ordered first.

When it came to Jonghyun’s turn to order, he froze.

“Sir? Are you alright?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun took a deep breath.

“Y-You just seem so familiar” Jonghyun answered and Jinki looked at him closer.

“Have we met?” Jinki asked, now confused.

“I think I bumped into you once, at a convenience store” Jonghyun answered.

“Ah, yes, we were on our phones. I’m terribly sorry about that, as an employee I should’ve been more careful” Jinki apologized and Jonghyun didn’t know how to respond.

“Uh… I-I’m sorry, I don’t want anything at the moment. Thank you” Jonghyun replied after a long silence and turned to Kibum and Minho, “I’ll find us a table”

He didn't try very hard to find a table, as he was more focused on trying to piece together what was going on. Jinki was real, but they had never actually met. That alone was messing Jonghyun himself up, but as he thought more he felt as if he needed to apologize to Jinki. He made up his own version of the cashier from one chance meeting, from one glance at his face and one sample of his voice. Jonghyun felt pathetic, and now he wished they had never left his apartment, or at least that they had turned away from the coffee shop when they saw the long line.

Jonghyun looked up from his hands as Kibum and Minho approached, a third cup in their hands and Jonghyun just smiled.

“Hope you didn't think you were leaving without a cup” Minho said and handed Jonghyun the coffee before sitting down.

“Thank you” Jonghyun replied, not really up for talking at this point.

“So, that was Jinki?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun caught Minho’s glare at his boyfriend.

Jonghyun just nodded, looking down at his coffee cup.

“So he was real?” Kibum asked.

“Kibum..” Minho warned but the younger ignored him.

“The one from the store is, the one I dated for a while and loved isn't” Jonghyun answered and Kibum nodded.

“Why don't you become his friend?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun sighed.

“How do I say ‘I thought I made you up but you're real and I love you’ to someone I just met?” Jonghyun asked, his tone upset.

“Don't listen to Kibum, he just wants you happy but he doesn't know how you've been hurt” Minho told him, “Let’s just enjoy our coffee and forget about Jinki”

Jonghyun nodded in agreement and Kibum took his first sip before the conversation became somewhat normal. Although Jonghyun thought he was distracted by his friends, he caught himself staring at Jinki multiple times and was thankful when they decided to leave.


	28. A Familiar Face

Jonghyun refused to go to the coffee shop after that, deciding it would be better for him to completely forget Jinki was real in the first place. Whenever the couple would mention Jinki, Jonghyun would zone out and they would quickly let it go. Lately, the two had stopped talking about him completely, and Jonghyun had been thinking of him less. Although, Jonghyun still wasn’t acting as himself. The couple had expressed their worry many times that Jonghyun was becoming depressed, but Jonghyun always denied it. 

The sound of knocking broke what Jonghyun felt was the perfect silence, but he ignored it as he wasn’t going to let it ruin his isolation. He knew who it was, the very reason his phone was turned off right now: Kim Kibum. Kibum was determined to stop Jonghyun from isolating himself again, but Jonghyun was just praying for him to give up. The knocks stopped after what felt like an hour and Jonghyun sighed in relief, enjoying the comfort of his bed and the silence once again. But he jumped up when he heard his door being unlocked, remembering that Kibum had a key from when he took care of the apartment, and ran to the door to greet him.

“Why didn’t you open the door?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun just shrugged at him and sat down on his couch, his eyes closed.

“Hello” Jonghyun froze at the word, afraid of who said it, “Kibum invited me, I hope that was okay”

“Kim Jonghyun, meet my friend Lee Jinki. You remember him” Kibum smiled proudly and Jonghyun looked shocked.

“Hello Jonghyun, it’s nice to formally meet you” Jinki smiled and bowed slightly, Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile back.

“It’s nice to meet you too” Jonghyun replied and stood up to bow, “It’s not much, but it’s cozy”

“It’s nice” Jinki smiled and Jonghyun felt himself wanting to cry, the conversation all too familiar.

“I rented a movie” Kibum announced and held up a DVD case, “Does anyone want popcorn?”

“Do I have any?” Jonghyun asked and went to check.

“The TV is in his bedroom, so we’ll have to watch it in there” Jonghyun heard Kibum say as he searched the cabinets.

“Kibum, could you find a good popcorn bowl while I look for popcorn? And Jinki, you can go ahead and get comfortable on my bed” Jonghyun said and the two complied, Kibum handing the movie to Jinki.

As soon as Jinki disappeared into Jonghyun’s room, Jonghyun turned to Kibum and hit him with an uncooked bag of popcorn.

“Why did you invite him over?” Jonghyun whispered upset.

“Because you obviously care about him, and I’m just helping the two of you get closer” Kibum answered, keeping his voice down as well.

“How am I supposed to date him after what I did?” Jonghyun asked and put the popcorn in the microwave.

“Easily, you already love him, so go after him and have him fall in love with you too. Then, when your relationship is good and stable, you tell him what happened” Kibum explained and Jonghyun sighed as he took the bowl from Kibum.

“Fine, I’ll try that, if it’ll make you feel better” Jonghyun replied.

“Don’t do it because I told you to, do it for yourself” Kibum told him, “You’ve become a lot sadder since you first saw him at the coffee shop, this might help”

Jonghyun nodded, “You’re right” 

Kibum smiled at him and Jonghyun returned the smile before the younger headed in the direction of Jonghyun’s bedroom.


	29. I'm Meeting You All Over Again

They ended up talking most of the movie, as they decided at some point that it was boring. Jonghyun didn’t talk as much as the others, but he listened and learned about the real Jinki. He came from a rich family, so he only worked small jobs until he could be experienced enough to work for his family. They expected a lot from him, and were determined not to let him turn into a rude snob. Jonghyun could happily say that they did a great job raising Jinki.

“What about the two of you?” Jinki asked, “What are your families like?”

“Ah, well, they talk to me” Kibum answered, “They’re still dealing with the fact I’m gay. They don’t seem completely against it, but they aren’t very happy about it either”

“I see, mine were very supportive when I told them I was bi” Jinki replied and Jonghyun unconsciously smiled.

“They must really love you” Jonghyun told him and Jinki nodded.

“That’s exactly what I thought too” Jinki smiled, “Jonghyun, can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, go ahead” Jonghyun answered and Jinki paused for a second.

“Did you get enough sleep last night? You look very tired” Jinki asked and Jonghyun scoffed.

“I’m... an insomniac” Jonghyun told him, “I’m fine though, I’ve learned to live with it. Thank you for worrying about me”

“I started getting worried that we interrupted your sleep by coming over” Jinki admitted and Jonghyun smiled at him.

“Thanks for worrying” Jonghyun replied and Kibum smiled at the two of them.

“Jonghyun never does anything anyway” Kibum told Jinki, “If it weren't for me and Minho, he'd probably never leave the apartment”

“Do you not work?” Jinki asked, confused.

“I don't have to, my parents own this place so they keep the room rented out for me” Jonghyun answered.

“What about food?” Jinki asked.

“We usually donate food and pocket money to him, when we can that is” Kibum answered and Jonghyun began to feel pathetic.

“I-I’ve been looking for a job though, ever since I stopped writing” Jonghyun explained and Kibum nodded.

“You don't go out, are you looking online?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun nodded.

“You used to write?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun froze.


	30. I Have To Hold Myself Back

“He would write poems and post them online, but he deleted all of them” Kibum explained and Jonghyun could feel Jinki’s eyes on him as he stared at his hands.

“Why did you delete them?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun took a deep breath.

“Personal reasons” Jonghyun managed and Jinki just nodded in response.

“Do you have any copies?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun looked up.

“I might” Jonghyun answered and got up, flustered at Jinki’s sudden interest.

“You usually keep them written down, don't you?” Kibum asked as Jonghyun searched through his desk drawer.

“There's some here, from before I went to the hospital” Jonghyun said and skimmed over them.

“You're writing was the best then” Kibum said as Jonghyun returned to the bed.

“I had inspiration then” Jonghyun replied simply and handed the poems to Jinki, “Here's a few of them if you want to read them”

Jinki smiled and took them from Jonghyun, “Why did you go to the hospital?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun sat down.

“I got really sick, but I'm getting better now” Jonghyun explained simply and Jinki nodded as he read.

“Are those about-” Kibum began but stopped as Jonghyun glared at him.

“They're very bittersweet” Jinki said as he read the last one, “And they're written beautifully”

“I'm glad you like them” Jonghyun smiled and Jinki looked up at him.

“What happened between you and the person these are about?” Jinki asked and handed them back to Jonghyun.

“I was told not to see him again” Jonghyun explained vaguely.

“So someone got in between you two?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun smiled weakly.

“Something like that” Jonghyun answered and he met Kibum's sympathetic gaze.

“And you let it break the two of you apart?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun sighed.

“It’s... a really complicated story, I guess you could say we didn’t have a choice but to break up” Jonghyun answered and Jinki’s eyes widened.

“Did he…?” Jinki started.

“No, no, nothing like that” Kibum cut in, “He’s not dead or ill, they just… couldn’t keep going”

“Did you love him though?” Jinki asked and Jonghyun smiled to himself.

“He meant everything to me, I would have given up everything for…” Jonghyun stopped, not wanting to pursue the conversation any longer.

“He really made you happy, I wish he was… able to stay” Kibum added, also beginning to choose his words carefully.

It was quiet then as Jinki began to catch on that the subject should be dropped.


	31. Nothing To Lose, Nothing To Gain

“It’s getting late, do you need a place to stay or is your place not far from here?” Jonghyun asked and Jinki shook his head.

“I’m fine, my boyfriend should be coming to get me” Jinki answered with a smile.

“Oh really? Who is this boyfriend?” Jonghyun asked, smiling back.

“He’s really nice, we’ve been together for a couple months but he’s really opened up to me” Jinki answered, “He always says I mean the world to him and that I’ve changed him and all that, but I don’t believe because I don’t know anyone from his past”

“He seems to really trust you, do you trust him?” Kibum asked and Jinki made a thinking noise.

“Yes, but I just don’t believe you can really change people, I’ll only start to believe it when I see it” Jinki explained and the two nodded in understanding.

“Are you happy with him?” Jonghyun asked and Jinki nodded as he smiled at his phone.

“He doesn’t want to walk up here to meet you guys” Jinki giggled, “He says he’s too tired”

Jonghyun couldn’t help but smile at how cute Jinki was, “He should come up and meet us, he’s going to have to sooner or later” Jonghyun said and Kibum agreed.

“He will, I guarantee it” Jinki replied and Kibum smiled at him.

“Is he already here?” Kibum asked and Jinki nodded.

“He's on his way up” Jinki told them and they began to get up off the bed.

They all made their way to the living room and Jonghyun positioned himself by the door so he could answer it when someone knocked.

“I'm excited to meet him, what's his name?” Kibum asked and Jinki began to answer, but was interrupted by a knock on the door.

“Guess we’ll just find out” Jonghyun said and opened the door.

Jonghyun looked confused at the person in front of him, but a sense of dread came over him as he realized the situation.

“Come on in” Jonghyun greeted and moved out of the guest’s way.

Jonghyun turned to look at Kibum but the younger was already yelling.

“Do I need to slap you three more times? What are you doing here?!” Kibum yelled and Jinki looked shocked.

“I came to pick up my boyfriend” Taemin answered calmly.


	32. Our Paths Become Parallel

Kibum kept his mouth shut as Jonghyun said his goodbyes to Jinki and the couple left his apartment. As soon as the door closed, Jonghyun let his head fall into his hands as he leaned against the door. With a sigh he rubbed his face and crouched down as Kibum finally spoke.

“I’m so sorry, I didn’t know” Kibum panicked, feeling responsible for making Jonghyun feel worse.

“It’s alright, I know you just wanted to help” Jonghyun told him, “Thanks to you I can see his face again”

Kibum was going to reply, but there was a knock on the door that caused Jonghyun to get up. Jonghyun opened the door and met Minho’s worried face.

“Jinki and Taemin…” Minho started and saw Jonghyun’s somber expression.

“Jinki stayed and hung out, Taemin came to pick up his boyfriend” Kibum explained as Jonghyun let Minho in and closed the door.

Minho turned back to Jonghyun after hearing that, “Are you alright?”

Jonghyun smiled weakly, “What do you think?”

The youngest then pulled Jonghyun in for a hug, and it didn’t take long for Jonghyun to start crying. Kibum came up beside them and rubbed Jonghyun’s back in attempts to calm him as he sobbed into Minho’s chest.

“W-Why? Why are things… like thi-is for me?” Jonghyun asked softly and sniffled.

“I don’t know, but you’ll be okay” Minho answered and Kibum felt teary eyed.

Jonghyun sighed, “I hope so” He replied.

“We’ll be by your side through it all, we promise” Kibum told him and Minho agreed.

“Why are you guys so nice to me?” Jonghyun asked.

“Because you’re our friend” Minho answered simply.

“But you two have a lot of friends, why am I so special?” Jonghyun asked and Minho broke the hug to look at him.

“Jonghyun, it’s thanks to you that our relationship hasn’t crumbled and we are eternally grateful for that. We’ve known you for so long as well, we have no reason not to be there for you. All you’ve ever done for us is good, the least we can do is help you out when you need it” Minho explained and Jonghyun let a few more tears fall.

“I don’t think you should be alone tonight, sleep over at our place, please” Kibum suggested and Jonghyun nodded, wiping his tears.

“Thank you both, for taking care of me” Jonghyun said and the couple smiled at him.


	33. Epilogue: I'm Not Searching For You Anymore

_ Two Years Later _

Jonghyun took a deep breath as he used his box cutter to open the rather large and heavy package. He cut through the tape carefully, not wanting to damage the goods inside, and slowly unfolded the cardboard. Kibum and Minho were crouched down on either side of him as he pulled out a stack of books wrapped in bubble wrap. The two watched as Jonghyun unwrapped them carefully and picked up one of the books. “ _ My Time With You”  _ the cover read, and Jonghyun felt as if he would cry as he opened the book and skimmed through the poems. He looked at the cover again, reading his name on the bottom and finally tearing up.

“If you start crying I'll cry too” Kibum warned and Jonghyun sniffled.

“I never thought this would be possible” Jonghyun said and hugged the book as Minho picked up another copy.

“Do we get free copies?” Minho asked as he looked through the book.

“Of course” Jonghyun answered and smiled at them.

“I'm so proud of you” Kibum smiled and hugged Jonghyun.

Minho laid the book down and joined in on the hug, and Jonghyun began to tear up again.

“It's all thanks to you two, I wouldn't have the courage to do this if it weren't for you guys” Jonghyun told them, but the only response he got was two kisses on either cheek.

The three cleaned up the mess of packing peanuts and bubble wrap and stacked the books neatly on a shelf meant just for them. 

“We should go out to eat to celebrate, and maybe have a drink or two” Minho suggested and put an arm around Jonghyun’s shoulder.

“Just us?” Kibum asked and Minho nodded.

“We can have a party and invite them another day, but let's have today be about the three of us celebrating Jonghyun’s accomplishment” Minho smiled and hugged Jonghyun closer as he mentioned his name.

“We don't have to go out and be fancy” Jonghyun said and Minho rubbed his back.

“Well, what do you want to do baby?” Kibum asked and Jonghyun shrugged.

“I just want to stay home with you two” Jonghyun answered, “It's too cold to be outside”

“We can do that, want to watch a movie too?” Minho asked and Jonghyun nodded.

“Before we do that, I have a little something to give you both” Kibum told them and they looked at him.

Kibum reached into his coat pockets and pulled out two little boxes, handing one to Minho and one to Jonghyun.

“Go ahead and open them” Kibum smiled and watched as Minho opened his first and Jonghyun followed.

“Kibum…” Minho started and picked up the ring out of the box, inspecting it to find all of their names engraved on the top.

Jonghyun slipped his on as soon as it came out of the box, a smile lighting up his face.

“I have one too” Kibum said and showed off his ring finger, “I thought it was about time we got them, but I didn't know the book would arrive today so I didn't get to set up everything like I wanted”

“I love it, almost as much as I love the two of you” Jonghyun told them as Minho put his ring on.

The three pecked each other’s lips one at a time, smiling and giggling. Jonghyun’s phone vibrated then, and all three of them answered the phone.

“Hello?” Jonghyun said, holding up the phone after he chose the speaker option.

“Jonghyun? Are you, Kibum, and Minho doing anything today?” Jinki asked.

“No, why?” Jonghyun responded.

“Me and Taemin wanted to know if you three wanted to see a movie with us, it'll be like a double date” Jinki suggested and Jonghyun smiled.

“Sure, why not. We've got some exciting news as well” Jonghyun told him.

“What is it?” Jinki asked.

“Secret!” The three answered in unison.

“Did your book come in?” Jinki asked excitedly.

“Send me directions to the theater and we’ll meet you there” Jonghyun avoided the question and hung up.

“We can show off our new rings” Minho smiled as Jonghyun grabbed two copies of his book off the shelf.

“I'll give them their free copies too, who's driving?” Jonghyun asked.

“I can drive today” Kibum answered and pulled out his keys as the three began to walk out of Jonghyun’s apartment.

“Shotgun!” Jonghyun and Minho yelled and began to run down the hall to see who could get to the car first. 

Kibum chased after them, “I’ll make both of you sit in the back if you keep running!” Kibum threatened and the two stopped so Kibum could catch up.

The three of them held hands and walked down the hall to the elevator, each of them smiling and teasing each other.

It was hard for Jonghyun to think that two years ago he was chasing after a hallucination, instead it felt like the three of them had been together the entire time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this story, and please check out my newer stories once they're posted!


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